So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
