Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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