Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize