i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
