I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What did we do last night that was yellow?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
