At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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