Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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