There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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