but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize