Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
