My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
