in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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