Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
