When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
