I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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