omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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