We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
