I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize