im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
