in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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