Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
