Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
