I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
someone threw a dead crab at me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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