her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
