i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
