matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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