need another drink. this is the easiest way
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
