i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
