And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
