i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
