I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
