Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
