We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize