i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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