Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
