if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I did not marry a roomba.
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