He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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