I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Congratulations! We have a period
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