It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
