wanna go halves on a baby?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
