dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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