I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
