Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
