just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
