to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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