And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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