So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
