I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
