i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
