He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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