Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
