I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
