I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
