we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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