i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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