I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
