i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
