I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
