New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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