the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
